How about the beginning of my story?

I like the concept, but it could be written better. There are quite a few grammar errors, for one thing. Also, it's not a good idea to jump right into the action like this. If I were you, I'd start the story before the kidnapping took place, to give your character a little more background. Or, better yet, start the story after your character has already been kidnapped, then have him/her start from the beginning and tell some things about them self and their background, and then have them go into what happened.